How to Know a Person
In *How to Know a Person*, New York Times columnist David Brooks shares his transformative journey from an emotionally guarded, intellectually focused man to someone who prioritizes deep human connection. Drawing on personal anecdotes—from his awkward teenage years to the wake-up call of fatherhood—and rigorous research in psychology, sociology, and neuroscience, Brooks unpacks the hidden barriers that prevent us from truly seeing others: seven common psychological habits like self-centeredness and static thinking. He introduces the concept of "brighteners" vs. "diminishers," outlining the traits of those who lift others up through curiosity, patience, and respect. The book breaks down actionable skills: the three core components of empathy (mirroring, mentalization, and care), how to navigate difficult conversations without conflict, and the power of narrative thinking to understand someone’s life story. Brooks also addresses the growing crisis of social isolation in America, linking it to social media’s shallow interactions and a decline in moral education. Offering practical tools for every stage of life—from understanding personality traits via the Big Five model to supporting loved ones through depression—this book is a guide to breaking through isolation, building meaningful relationships, and finding purpose in seeing others fully.